May the breasts of the wife of your youth satisfy you always. Proverbs 5:19
This is an edgy blog and most churches, life groups, and bible classes avoid the subject or candy-coat it to the point we put it in a section combined with other “sin”. We ask for prayers saying, “Pray for brother Steve, he struggles with lust”. Or, “The world has faded the lines so much, the difference in right and wrong is confusing”. There isn’t any confusion at all. Don’t be misled.
It’s June and it’s boob season. Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. The cool weather is gone and so are most of the unrevealing shirts. I was at the beach last week and let’s just say, it’s not a safe place to “people watch”. There were moments I had to act like an ostrich and bury my head in the sand. Nice cover-up, not! But it’s not just the beach, it’s the mall, restaurants, Church, and definitely on-line. The media uses breasts to sell everything from gum to cheeseburgers. I just needed to see french fries, not boobs! I’m 100% male and I can’t hide the fact of no matter how long I’ve been married and no matter how beautiful my wife is, other beautiful women exist. You could not be on the “most beautiful woman” list, and I’m certain men will still look at you. I have looked at women who at one time were men and said, “dang, wait, he got me”. I remember on my honeymoon, walking out of the hotel and this lady walks by to get in her car and I said to myself, “well, marriage doesn’t make other women disappear”. You aren’t a piece of flesh and I’m not a pervert, it’s like asking a bird not to fly. Men are visually stimulated and well, we look. Take a deep breath.
I have read blogs before where men and women are encouraging other women to dress modestly and not wear certain shirts, yoga pants, skirts, etc.… It is great to have women encourage other women to dress modestly for the sake of their husbands, but today I want to make a different challenge. When are men going to honor women, respect them, and cherish their bride? We forget our vows we made first to Christ and then to our brides. We are untrained, unrestrained, and we look at whatever, whoever, and whenever we want. A woman should be able to wear whatever she wants without being honked at, whistled at, gawked at, or mishandled. How do you see women?
Paul referred to women throughout the New Testament in 4 different ways:
Every woman that exists should be treated as such. A man would never look at his sister and lust after her and cross a line in his heart to want her. Even in Alabama. Just kidding. Roll Tide! Every woman is a sister in Christ or a potential sister in Christ. No man in his right mind would ever look at his daughter lustfully. Nor would you ever look at your Mom in a sexual way. It’s not about a woman dressing appropriately, it’s 100% about a man honoring women. No wonder women have rallies because they feel belittled, mistreated, mishandled, unloved, and broken. Men, it is your fault. It’s my fault. They are referred to as bitches, ho’s, and old ladies. TV portrays them as objects and a lot of Botox, tummy tucks, face lifts, implants, and other surgeries may not exist if men truly honored women. Today, begin treating and looking at every woman as your mother, sister, daughter, or wife. and if she isn’t your wife, then don’t look at her like you do your wife. Not only would I not want to mistreat a woman, but honor her husband and children by treating her well. Love another woman’s husband enough that you would never want to hinder their marriage. Remember your vows to your bride. Ahhhh, never forget that moment she walked down the aisle. What a beautiful day. What a beautiful bride.
Where do I start? The best place for every man to start is with himself. Look in the mirror and be honest with who you are. You know you. Lust is a heart issue. What you feed your mind with is who you are. What you look at, listen to, think about, is who you are. You’re unfaithful to your wife because you aren’t committed to Christ or her. Unfaithful? A man that looks at a woman lustfully in his heart has committed adultery, Matthew 5:28. You have a heart problem. It’s not a dress code issue. Porn is killing you. Porn is adultery. It is a lie from the pit of hell. How can you honor your bride when you have sex with a woman on a screen? The woman on the screen is someone’s broken daughter you are abusing. You will never look at your bride with honor because you have too many sexual experiences with other women in fantasy land. That is where your heart is. If that is where your heart is, you will never honor women. It’s a trap. Be satisfied with your wife. Be joyful with your wife. Be honest with your wife.
When my daughter turned 13, I called her that morning and asked her to go out on a date with me that night. She asked her mom and her mom said it was ok. 🙂 I picked her up in a limo, opened the door, gave her flowers. I took her to a restaurant in town where I had previously placed flowers, balloons, and a bear on the table. We had a meal, dessert, and it was beautiful. We laughed, took pictures, played fun music in the limo, and guess what? She was never touched inappropriately, I didn’t gawk at her, I didn’t say one inappropriate word to her, and there was nothing uncomfortable about the entire night. Wow, what an experience. I told her to never accept anything less. This is the only way you should ever be treated by a male. Her standards are now through the roof and she knows what a man looks like and how she is supposed to be treated. It was also a beautiful lesson for my son to see how to treat a girl.
Men, we have to raise our boys to honor women. They will treat women how you treat their mom. I heard Lou Holtz say, “The best thing a father can ever do for his children is to love their mother.” What a great lesson. Our boys will be like us whether we like it or not. They will do what we do.
Your vow to Christ should keep your eyes and heart in check, but we forget, don’t we? Are you in his word daily? Do you spend time with Godly men? No wonder every woman catches your eye and it is no wonder why your commitment is shaky at best. Do you have anyone who walks with you, prays with you, challenges you to be a better man, father, and husband? You will never make it alone. When I joined Men Sharpening Men, I knew it was the team I needed to make a difference in my life and in the lives of others. We have no ulterior motives and there are no gotcha moments. You don’t have to partner with us relationally or financially, but please get connected to a local group of believers who will walk with you to help you along the way. Woe to the man who falls down and has no one to lift him up.
It’s not a dress code issue, it is a heart issue. A man issue.